Being a mom.

Being a mom is by far the most challenging thing I have done. I have done a lot in my lifetime too. I have been stretched through many challenges that God has grown my into the woman I am today. But.. not until I became a mother did I realize what it meant to do something hard. I guess even before we had kids. The process of getting kids. It is amazing what you will do for your child and in our case what we would do to get a child. I was thinking the other day about the birth mom we had that was having twins then lost them two months before she was due and we were going to adopt them. Only to find out after all that time working with her she lied about her pregnancy. Then there was the whole experience of agencies to adopt overseas. The amazing moment of getting the phone call that Will was born. Selling our house to be able to afford Will's costs. Working really hard to pay him off. =) Then there were a few other in between "almost" babies. The heart ache of Skylar and the baby girl. Allowing him to enter my heart and become my son only to have him suddenly taken away and the hope of his baby sister too. The recovery of all of that and the moments of giving up hope. Then.. a little over a year ago we were given the gift of the possibility of embryo adoption. The process of that, which in the scheme of things was easy. Even with the shots, procedures, and losing all sense of modesty for medicine (haha) comparatively easy. There was the moment of losing our Tobi's twin too that we walked through. Then the little hiccups with the pregnancy and my water breaking at 30 weeks. It was challenging to stay on bedrest for a month but so rewarding. This all leading me to the last couple weeks.

I look at my children and I would do anything for them and only the best. I believe this is why I have been fretting so much about Tobi. Will was so easy in comparison and I don't ever remembering worrying about how much he was eating or other obsessions. And, he was my first baby and I wasn't a midwife. haha... oh how God has been growing me. Today we went to our family Doc and he said Tobi was doing tremendous. He has gained more a little more than 2 oz a day and growing. Why do I worry. So, now that I am home I am trying to let go and just enjoy my sons. He is still needing to be on the biliblanket but I am praying it will go down and stay down so we can get off this thing. All and all I am wanting only the best and I know that I am doing a good job. I need to just let it go. ah...

Tobi is doing great, Will is happy and healthy, Matt is a champion, and I did just have a baby that may have not been when or how I saw but I did it natural and well. I am thankful for these things and I am trying to take this into a chapter that will shape me more to be who I am. God is good and I choose to be thankful for this day and take tomorrow as it comes. I do have a beautiful baby boy who warms my heart whenever I look at him. =)