Bryson's Birth Story

I am putting a disclaimer that this is a birth story from a midwife's point of view. I am not a story teller and I am not a writer but this is our story. The only way I know to tell it.

I waited for this baby. I waited from October 1st when I went into "dates" and was able to have this baby at home. Then we waited... and waited... and each week of October went by. I finally resolved on October 31st that I was going to have a November baby. Something I never thought would be possible. God has a sense of humor. Then we went into November and I began to think that this baby wasn't going to actually come out. We began to approach the 42 week mark and I was starting to get more anxious and frustrated. Was I really going to get all this way and have to make a decision on the other end of the spectrum of where to birth? Was I going to be told by law makers where I could or couldn't have my baby?

We walked, I took herbs, I waited and I prayed. I came to a peace with what was to be. I tried to let go. Then... at 1:00 am Tuesday the 5th I woke up to pee and I felt what I thought was a contraction. I pushed it aside because I thought, "no, this isn't going to happen." Then they kept coming every 10-15 mins. I was sleeping between them but they were there. I was trying to not be excited and sleep. Around 4:15 am I contemplated getting up to see if they would get stronger or go away. I needed to know because Matt had to go to work. I decided to get up because they were getting to be a bit much to lay down and sleep through. I made cinnamon rolls. I did what I tell all my clients to do and I tried to ignore this early labor stage. I woke Matt up about 4:45 and told him that things were happening but that I think he should still go to work. They were consistently 8-10 mins apart at that point. I had a ways to go. I also had an initial appointment with a new client at 10:30 so I thought, this will be good, Matt can go to work, I can do the appointment then have a baby later on. Matt left before 6:00 am and I was just trucking along.

I texted my midwife Brittany around 7:00 am and let her know what was going on. We both agreed to keep busy and try to do the appointment. She had an appointment at 10:00 too. The contractions were between 5 and 10 minutes at this point but only lasting 30-45 seconds. I texted my friend Kristie to let her know I was finally in labor but it was going to be a while. She was part of my support team and had been waiting patiently through the month of October for me. I also got a hold of my good friend Lisa because she was planning on coming out for me too. I knew she would need a heads up because she has 5 kids herself and I really wanted her there with Kristie. I fed the boys and we hung out around the house. A typical morning. Will was a huge help with Tobi and I think he was excited that the baby might be coming soon. Everyone was set to come once things picked up.

Around 9:00 am things picked up a bit and I couldn't sit through them or talk well anymore. I went back and forth with Jenna, another good friend and our only employee for Mocha Moose, to see if I needed her to switch with Matt. I decided at that point I should probably reschedule my initial appointment. By 10:00 am I wanted Matt home because they were coming closer and lasting 1-1 1/2 minutes. l was still thinking it was going to be a while but I wanted Matt home to help out with the boys and be with me.

Matt got home around 10:30 and we just hung out but I couldn't sit at all anymore. I tried to lay down to rest in case this was gong to be awhile. I couldn't lay down at all with them and I remember asking Matt to let me know when he noticed a difference in me. When things weren't funny anymore. I kept telling myself things I would tell my moms and I also didn't want everyone here just sitting around forever. I was trying to find the balance. I talked to Kristie and she was going to plan on coming over around 2 unless she heard otherwise. I started to hit that serious mark about 12:30 and I wanted the water. Matt noticed the difference. I didn't want to be talked to. I called my mom and told her that it would be good if she finished up at work and came this way. I also told Brittany I was going to go ahead and get in the tub. I figured that the way I was feeling and the intensity of the contractions I was probably close to a 5 and was good enough to get in the water. I was going to wait for Brittany but she said that it could intensify things and we decided to have her come over too. I gathered up all my stuff I wanted out in my birth room and headed out. Will was inside with Tobi and Matt was going to put him down and come back out. Matt had built me a beautiful birth suite for my clients and we decided that was the best place for me to have the baby so I didn't have to worry about the boys at all and plus I had set everything up out there. It was so nice to be out there. It was perfect.

It was about 1:00pm once I got out there and Matt let Lisa and Kristie know it was time to come. I wanted Matt there and to not leave me at this point. Once I got in the water and I knew everyone was coming things got serious. The contractions went from breathing through them and them not bothering me too much, to, "k, this is labor." I remember seeing Brittany quietly come in and come over and then Kristie and Lisa and everyone was so respectful of the space. I wanted to chat and visit with everyone and I thought it was nice to have everyone there but that is about as far as I got. I was focused now. That was between 1:15 and 1:45. I was thankful for my music and Matt right there with me.

Around 2:00 pm I decided that I would have Brittany check me because I was beginning to feel a little out of control and knew that from how I was feeling I had to be close to transition. It was amazing how fast I went from "this is fine" to, "Oh wow this is hard stuff." Brittany checked me while I was in the tub and I was an 8. Yeah, thank God! I was getting close. I thought to myself, "well I can through this last bit and I get to push this baby out quick, not like last time" I was wrong. It wasn't that long after that I was getting really uncomfortable and the contractions seemed to pile on top of each other and I couldn't get away from the pain. This is when Kristie and Lisa's words were very comforting to me. I knew they were both praying and I tried to find peace in that. I didn't want Matt to move away from the edge of the tub and I wanted him to tell me that I could get through each contraction. I wanted Brittany right there too and for her to keep telling me it was going well. I remember trying to look at Brittany's watch and count the baby's heart rate and baby was trucking along really well. I tried to get my mind off of the possibility of every scenario and to just labor.

I got out of the tub to try a different position and nothing seemed to work. I lost all track of time and was full on in "labor land" I was feeling pushy and gave a few pushes to see how it felt and it did not feel good. This was not what I thought it was suppose to be like. Second babies are suppose to be faster. haha... Birttany checked to see if there was a cervical lip or anything and there was. I didn't want her to hold it back and from the little pushes I had done I didn't think I would be able to anyway. I got back in the tub to try to breathe through it and it was so painful. Baby was moving like crazy too and it was also very painful. I was trying to breathe through contractions but wanted to push and a few times I would check myself and I could feel the lip and was convinced it was getting too swollen. I didn't think I could do it. Nothing was happening. It was so painful and I just kept thinking there was no way I could do this much longer. Kristie prayed and Lisa was there encouraging me. I would look at Matt and just wish he could tell me it was almost done. I didn't want him to move. He was my rock. I kept looking at Brittany asking why this was taking so long as I was playing births in my head of women who pushed out their babies in three pushes or so gracefully composed themselves as they gave birth. I was in my head. I was not those women. I was afraid of the pain like last time, and I let it get the better of me. I cried out for strength and I remember the Gungor song "Please Be My Strength" and all I could do was say strength over and over in my head.

I was out of the tub, on the stool, on the bed, squatting, standing. Everywhere. Brittany was giving me pressure where to push and as hard as I could I couldn't push to get baby to move. I was convinced I was doing nothing. We finally got past the lip and Brittany had to hold it back. The most interesting moment was when I realized it didn't hurt when Brittany held it like last time when I thought it was more painful than contractions. I trusted her. I kept pushing, and pushing and Brittany kept telling me we were getting somewhere and I finally asked if she was lying to me. A few times I looked at her and thought she is just telling me things that I tell women when they aren't really progressing but they aren't going backwards. I was reading her face. When I would try to feel baby move as I would push I would feel head but no movement. I thought I was progressing way too slowly.

Finally we thought baby was coming so I had Will come out. He was out there for about 20 min and I could hear him push when I would push and he was so sweet and encouraging. I was bleeding some because of holding my cervix back and just because and I think that scared Will a bit so he went back inside. I thought it would never end. I asked Brittany what was wrong with me. She smiled... I knew what shew as thinking. I had been there. It is SOOOO much easier to be on the other end of birth. :)

We went back to the bed and Matt and Kristie held my legs. That is how I had Tobi, this was going to work. Nothing. We moved back to the stool and I could really feel his head but it wasn't coming fast enough. I thought I was done, I didn't know how I could possible to this and this baby's head was not going ANYWHERE! Especially out. I kept thinking, "is it my pubic bone?", "it's not my bag of waters because that broke already," I thought for a brief second malposition and then the pain was too much. All this time baby was moving moving and and it was not pleasant. Baby was trying to find the way to get out and help but it hurt. l I wanted to be done and I remember looking at Brittany, Matt was next to me, Kristie was behind me holding down the back of the stool so I wouldn't fall off, Lisa was encouraging me and ready to record this baby being born and I was done. I somehow found the strength to grab my legs and curl forward and push like I was going to push my guts out. I thought for sure I was pushing out everything else with this head. I kept checking after pushes and baby was not moving like I wanted. I finally started to feel baby move and I thought this baby was not going to make it out. I finally felt baby right there and so much burning. I knew when baby was crowning that I was going to tear and I was going to tear bad but I couldn't "ease" him out because I was giving it my all just to get to that point. This whole time baby's heart rate was amazing and didn't seemed to be phased by the fact that mama was dying. :) FINALLY I got baby's head out and the stinker was acynclitic (positioned cock eyed meaning more diameter to push out) and then the glorious moment of baby's body out. It was done. The relief that comes at the moment is only God's grace. I pulled my baby up and looked between all the umbilical cord and saw a tiny penis. It was another boy. Then I saw his face and I knew why I waited. He was so beautiful. Perfect. My boy. Three boys. I was in love with this tiny person.

He was floppy and didn't want to perk up right away but he wasn't bad. His cord was pulsing well and he did have good color. I stayed on the stool for awhile and then decided to move to the bed. I got to snuggle him and he had pooped everywhere so it was a mess. I took Angelica to try to get the placenta but it didn't want to budge. Paula, another wonderful midwife, showed up about then because Brittany was somewhat concerned about mec she had seen before birth. Still no placenta. We decided to cut the cord so I could get up and try to get the placenta out. I was ready to be done with that so I was ok with handing baby over for a min.

At that point the boys came out with my mom and got to see us right away. Will was so excited and Tobi kept peeking over the edge to see the baby and was pointing at him. I was so happy to have had him at home and to have my boys there with us. Will kept saying how happy he was we didn't go to the hospital because he didn't get to see Tobi for two weeks. It was a special moment and I loved having the whole family there.

Back to the placenta. Darn thing. I had some pitocin because I was starting to bleed a bit and then I got up out of bed to squat. Finally it came and I got to lay down but we weren't done. I had torn pretty good and they were trying to figure out what was going on with my cervix and bleeding. Finally they figured it was all fine and I passed some good size clots and got to get cleaned up a bit. I got my baby back and he latched on almost right away and wanted to nurse. Next was a blur of making sure he was good with his breathing, making sure I wasn't bleeding, needing to eat something... and all of that. Brittany stitched up my battle wounds and I tried to not be too much of a baby about it. I gave her a run for her money and had her do the whole gamut with me. She was great. So after I was all cleaned up, ate, baby ate, baby weighed and Newborn exam done, we went inside to get some sleep.

I am so thankful for everyone and the support when I didn't think I could do it anymore, when I said over and over "I can't" I did. I couldn't have done it without Matt right there by me. God was there right next to me and His strength sustained me. Brittany was wonderful and was what I needed. Paula came when we needed her and was a blessing. Kristie was a huge peace and I remember seeing her praying and next to me and holding the back of the stool, telling me I could do it. Lisa was encouraging and taking pictures and I seemed to hear her voice when I needed that extra help.

I look back and I am so happy and I am somewhat traumatized by pushing and yet so glad I got to do it again. There is nothing more powerful than knowing you can do something that hard and have such a great reward. God made our bodies as women amazingly and I stand in awe of the miracle of birth. It has been a hard postpartum with healing, he bruised me pretty good. My boys have been good and Bryson is such a wonderful baby. God has truly blessed me and has shown me how with His help I can do anything. The only thing I would do differently is turn off my midwife brain a little more.... :)