Getting back into it.

So, it has been 6 years. Six years since I got on this and typed, six years since cancer. Six years since I stepped onto here to share our life in a space I am pretty sure no one enters. And I am ok with that. Maybe I will catch up, maybe I will just pick up right here. In the middle of our crazy, complicated, beautiful life. 

I am at the table with the three littles counting coins and trying to start our new math program that should include all of them together, and the lady I met with on Wednesday dropped off books for braille. My morning started with a phone call at 6:48 from Hana my manager asking where Will was. He was downstairs sleeping when he was suppose to be at work 18 minutes before the phone call. So once he was on his way to work I started the coffee pot and tried to wake up. I didn't get any alone to read my Bible or journal before Matt came down so that is how I started today. The kids were up by 7:30 and off it went. I wanted to start school today and just hadn't even had a chance to sit down and look at the curriculum so I made myself do it today. then I was overwhelmed. One, because it is a lot more than I thought it was going to be and second, because I have no idea how I am suppose to teach Gabby. 

A lady with the Idaho Blind association came over yesterday and went over recourses for her. There isn't much that we are going to be able to do without an IEP through a school, which is something that I don't have. Which means I would need to either enroll her somewhere or send her to school. Both aren't not my favorite options. The next option would be to send her to a boarding school in Gooding and yeah, that is not happening either. I really do not know what to do with that and how to move forward and this moment. I am still trying to process that she is actually blind and that there are major adjustments we have been trying to do within the family and home. Trying to teach her that she can't fully see and that she needs to understand her limitations, it sucks. It's a lot. I don't feel qualified, I don't feel adequate, I am not. But here I am, a mom to her. A blind child, and a child with a rare genetic syndrome and Autism. So, there's that. Where do I start, how do I begin? The things that I think I can deal with I can't, and the things that I don't think I have capacity for, I do. Somehow. Matt told me to just put away what I can't do anything about right now and deal with it later. Well that is pretty much everything in this moment.