Some time to talk

I have a little time so I thought I would post a little more. I got to go for a 12 mile ride tonight between the rain and it was so nice. I have felt the effects of the rain and the lack of sun the last couple weeks. I can't believe it is June because it has been so yucky out. I can't complain because rain is good, but not good for my mood. It is hard too because Will can't be outside as much and he goes a little crazy when he has to stay inside.

He has grown up so much and I am having a hard time believing that he is almost 5. Where has my baby gone? There is no baby left and I have a wild, incredibly happy and adventurous boy. He is gymnastics now and is moving up to a boys only class of 5-7 year olds. It is crazy to me to see him doing the things he can do with his body. He is so strong is scares me. haha... I love hearing the other parents comment on how strong he is and how the dads always say he is so ripped. Yes, my 4 year old has a 6 pack and muscles everywhere. It is because he does not stop, he eats picky but well, and he climbs, jumps, crawls and rides everywhere. He has mastered his bike and scooter and has been attempting tricks he sees the big boys do. He is a dare devil. I love watching him and I also am challanged with his business. He loves it though and I have to say he has a pretty good life between having all the room at the house and spending time once a week up at the cabin with my mom getting away with things only Nana would let him do. No wonder he tells me Nana is his favorite. And daddy. That is because daddy isn't afraid to wrestle with him and will bounce him to the moon on the trampoline. He is my joy and my constant reminder that I am a work in progress. Being a parent is a lot of work and I am going through a faze where I don't like enforcing the rules even though I do and I have to. I just want to play and have fun. haha...

Matt is busy with school and work. Our employee and my best friend just had a baby so Matt is working 7 days a week until she is back. It has been a little hard having time as a family but Matt has taken on remodeling the coffee shop and is trying to stay busy. I could have told him that was not necessary. It looks beautiful though. He is an amazement to me and I am so proud of him and all he does for our family. I could not do what I do without him and I am blessed when I get to see Will and him together. He is my hero.

I am so happy where I am and I have loved working in a much slower environment. It has been fun to build relationships with the women and families and I just love home birth. I am blessed again with Rose and Ian (my preceptors) and how they have just poured into me. They challenge me and push me to grow and I know that I am going to be a great midwife because they have shown me how to step into that. I truly am so blessed now. I have been struggling on a personal level with life and how God is going to build our family, but it is a different struggle because I have so many great things going on in my life right now. I step back and trust that God has the perfect match for our family and we are moving in a direction that we pray is the right step for our family. It has been two years now since Skylar and a lot of healing has taken place. There are still hard moments where I feel it and I grieve, but they come and go. God has taken that and used it for such good. I am glad I was able to come from that and grow rather than going inward and allowing myself to become bitter. Again, God is so good.

So here is to the next chapter of our journey.