Home and Struggles
Hi, Sky is home with us full time now!!! We are so excited and just glad to start our lives together. He is so precious and so sweet and so beautiful. It is hard though.
I even hate saying this because I don't want to sound ungrateful for what I have. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I am struggling. Struggling with if I will be adequate for Sky, if I can still give Will what he needs, will I be able to help him get better. He is pretty healthy, but he does have some digestion problems and gets ear infections a lot. Not serious things, but it makes it a little hard to bond and adjust with a fussy baby and Will is deciding to act out a lot more. This is understandable I know. I guess I am fearful that I won't make that connection with Sky that I have with my Will. I wonder if Sky will love me as momma, or just the lady who takes care of him. I know I must sound, I don't know, but this time around is a lot harder. It is a little difficult too because his Aunt Parker is around a lot, which I think is great, but, I think in my mind I haven't switched over to me being momma when she is here. I still feel like I am taking care of him and that she is letting me have him for awhile. I don't know if that makes sense, but I do love her and she is amazing. This is all so new too. I mean, he hasn't even been home a week and I am sitting here freaking out that we aren't "bonded". Maybe my expectations for myself and for Sky are too far out there? I do love him so though.
A good friend helped me the other day by telling me to not sweat the small stuff and to only think of things that are true. Like Philippians 4:8.
For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
I like this in the Amplified version because it kinda hits it home to me.
I get so caught up in me and my situation that I quickly forget that God gave Sky to me. God placed him, and Parker, in our lives for a very special reason. I can only live for today. Again what my friend reminded me. We can only think on what is in front of us. Tomorrow will take care of itself. (Matthew 6:34 So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble) Yes, we still plan and live accordingly, although, I don't know about you but, we can plan and schedule, and God can change those plans in a second. (Proverbs 16:9 A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.) I know all these things yet... I still "flesh out" and become ugly with fear. Fear and Patience, my two biggest struggles and look where I am now. Do I not think that God won't give me what I need? Do I not fully trust Him in my situation? Those are questions I don't like to ask because I don't like the answer. I know that I serve a loving, gracious, just God and that in all things he will take care of me. So please pray for me as I walk down this road. And pray for Matt and Will. We all need it. Love you all.
I even hate saying this because I don't want to sound ungrateful for what I have. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I am struggling. Struggling with if I will be adequate for Sky, if I can still give Will what he needs, will I be able to help him get better. He is pretty healthy, but he does have some digestion problems and gets ear infections a lot. Not serious things, but it makes it a little hard to bond and adjust with a fussy baby and Will is deciding to act out a lot more. This is understandable I know. I guess I am fearful that I won't make that connection with Sky that I have with my Will. I wonder if Sky will love me as momma, or just the lady who takes care of him. I know I must sound, I don't know, but this time around is a lot harder. It is a little difficult too because his Aunt Parker is around a lot, which I think is great, but, I think in my mind I haven't switched over to me being momma when she is here. I still feel like I am taking care of him and that she is letting me have him for awhile. I don't know if that makes sense, but I do love her and she is amazing. This is all so new too. I mean, he hasn't even been home a week and I am sitting here freaking out that we aren't "bonded". Maybe my expectations for myself and for Sky are too far out there? I do love him so though.
A good friend helped me the other day by telling me to not sweat the small stuff and to only think of things that are true. Like Philippians 4:8.
For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
I like this in the Amplified version because it kinda hits it home to me.
I get so caught up in me and my situation that I quickly forget that God gave Sky to me. God placed him, and Parker, in our lives for a very special reason. I can only live for today. Again what my friend reminded me. We can only think on what is in front of us. Tomorrow will take care of itself. (Matthew 6:34 So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble) Yes, we still plan and live accordingly, although, I don't know about you but, we can plan and schedule, and God can change those plans in a second. (Proverbs 16:9 A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.) I know all these things yet... I still "flesh out" and become ugly with fear. Fear and Patience, my two biggest struggles and look where I am now. Do I not think that God won't give me what I need? Do I not fully trust Him in my situation? Those are questions I don't like to ask because I don't like the answer. I know that I serve a loving, gracious, just God and that in all things he will take care of me. So please pray for me as I walk down this road. And pray for Matt and Will. We all need it. Love you all.
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