Roller coaster
Hi all. God is pulling me closer and closer to Him. We met with the Aunt on Sunday and it went really well. It is so hard in those situations to talk and try to say the things I want to say when we are around a big table with people we don't know and case workers. So, we left with a meeting to see Skylar, the little boy, on Monday.
The Aunt called and cancelled because she wasn't feeling well. Then I later found out that she has some concerns. I guess I am a little too homeopathic for her and she is worried I won't take Skylar to the doctor if he needs to go. It is hard because how can you explain things in two hours? One of the things she wanted in the family she chose was that they be homeopathic and I guess I am a little too much for her. Will was also there with us and she thinks that I have my hands too full with him and that I won't be able to bond with Skylar.
SO... my agency wanted me to try to tell her, I don't know, tell her something. I just didn't want to try to "sell" myself to her. This was very, and is, heavy on my heart and has been very hard for me to take. How can you tell someone something that you don't even really know how to explain yourself?
I prayed about it a lot and I told my caseworker that if there is anything to tell her is that this is about the kids and what God wants for them. I understand that this is an extremely hard decision and that she needs to go into it with confidence. Of course we would love to be their family, but most of all we want them to have a family that is right for them. I said that I was praying for her and that we weren't going to try to push ourselves on her. This is her decision and we don't want to try to sway her.
You have to understand that this is only coming from God. I want to scream, and yell, and question what God is doing with us. My heart hurts so so much and I can't think anything but that this isn't fair. But, then I sat before my God and He quieted my heart. I was looking at the verse I had in my window down at the hut and I laughed. Galatians 6:9-10 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people." Does that not say it all right there? I love it when God does stuff like that.
So, I put myself aside for a little while and I thought what does "doing good to all" mean in this situation? well, the first thing is that I can't be mad at the aunt, and second I need to put myself in her shoes. so I did. and that is where God gave me what I needed to say to her. Only Him, Only Him! Not me. These are not my words. Only His.
The Aunt wants to meet again on Monday and we take it one day at a time. Thankfully that all we have. My heart still hurts with not knowing, but I know that I serve a God that does know. He is Good above all and He loves both of our hurting hearts. So, we will see.
The Aunt called and cancelled because she wasn't feeling well. Then I later found out that she has some concerns. I guess I am a little too homeopathic for her and she is worried I won't take Skylar to the doctor if he needs to go. It is hard because how can you explain things in two hours? One of the things she wanted in the family she chose was that they be homeopathic and I guess I am a little too much for her. Will was also there with us and she thinks that I have my hands too full with him and that I won't be able to bond with Skylar.
SO... my agency wanted me to try to tell her, I don't know, tell her something. I just didn't want to try to "sell" myself to her. This was very, and is, heavy on my heart and has been very hard for me to take. How can you tell someone something that you don't even really know how to explain yourself?
I prayed about it a lot and I told my caseworker that if there is anything to tell her is that this is about the kids and what God wants for them. I understand that this is an extremely hard decision and that she needs to go into it with confidence. Of course we would love to be their family, but most of all we want them to have a family that is right for them. I said that I was praying for her and that we weren't going to try to push ourselves on her. This is her decision and we don't want to try to sway her.
You have to understand that this is only coming from God. I want to scream, and yell, and question what God is doing with us. My heart hurts so so much and I can't think anything but that this isn't fair. But, then I sat before my God and He quieted my heart. I was looking at the verse I had in my window down at the hut and I laughed. Galatians 6:9-10 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people." Does that not say it all right there? I love it when God does stuff like that.
So, I put myself aside for a little while and I thought what does "doing good to all" mean in this situation? well, the first thing is that I can't be mad at the aunt, and second I need to put myself in her shoes. so I did. and that is where God gave me what I needed to say to her. Only Him, Only Him! Not me. These are not my words. Only His.
The Aunt wants to meet again on Monday and we take it one day at a time. Thankfully that all we have. My heart still hurts with not knowing, but I know that I serve a God that does know. He is Good above all and He loves both of our hurting hearts. So, we will see.
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